Gifts

May 12, 2025

Greetings from where we cherish,

When I first met Dorothy, I knew who she was, in part because she shows you her true self from the first hello.  And in part because I’d seen some of her in her daughter.

In all the years since that first meeting, Dorothy has remained who she is; a loving, bright, optimistic, happy person, with a nearly boundless capacity for loving the world, especially those she can get close enough to get lipstick on. 

Dorothy has witnessed spectacular changes in the world since she moved from Kansas City as a young bride, but it feels like almost none of that registers with her.  She marks the time in her life by milestones of the people around her that she loves.  Central on that list are her five sons and one daughter.  I married the daughter, so I am on the list now too.

She is generous, an instinct that is now almost unconscious. In years past we would never leave her house without bags of leftovers from her overflowing refrigerators. Even when she moved to a small apartment with a tiny pantry, she would not let us leave without asking if we wanted a banana or an Ensure to take with us.

Some might not associate the word ‘strength’ with such a soft-spoken and gentle person, but it has always been there, evident in the quiet way she dealt with the struggles in her life, with rarely a complaint or even a change in her sunny demeanor.  It is there in the ceaseless devotion to her children, in her tireless caring for the people around her even as she comes to the place in life where she is the one in need of care.

Dorothy worked as a nurse in a small-town hospital, so for most of her life she continues to see the people she helped.  She has made friends everywhere she goes, people who have been touched by her spirit, her laugh, her kindness. 

Dorothy’s legacy is far reaching, and complex, but it’s simplest for me to see it in the lives of those nearest me.  Yesterday we celebrated mothers, a good and true thing to do for this nearly miraculous role in our lives.  As I thought about the mothers I’ve known, including my own, I caught a glimpse of something of the gifts that Dorothy has passed on.

Suzanne is not Dorothy, they chose different lives, lived them differently, and the world has changed in the years between them.  But even so, it doesn’t take long to look at the qualities swirling around Dorothy to see them in her daughter's life.  She is a caring person, humble, and while she has a strong, independent spirit, she has the soul of a servant. 

Suzanne forged her own way through college and began her career as a teacher, which is the avocation she’d dreamed of.  Suzanne became a mother, still determined to follow her passion as a teacher, but when the time came to sacrifice her work for her family, she simply did it.  No drama, no big banner announcing the end of one thing in service to another.  In the years that she served as a mother, she lived out the gifts that Dorothy had given her.  Patience, generosity, kindness, thinking into the future for years at a time, instead of reacting to a plate that was broken or a bill that couldn’t be paid.

She raised four children; the case could be made that she is still raising them.  Her phone is by her bed in case someone calls or texts with questions about health scares, insurance problems, oil change advice, or gift suggestions.  The devotion she has shown to our four children, which may be typical for mothers, is still a perfect reflection of the gifts she received from Dorothy.

Our first-born child was Katherine.  She grew into a brilliant, loving person, full of adventure and curiosity, someone whose empathy and love for humanity is as evident as her grandmother’s.  She is patient, gentle, kind to her brothers, her friends, her little boy and girl. Katherine launched into a career after college, travelled, and started a family.  She has lived an interesting and full life already, and she is her own woman, but she carries with her the warm, peaceful touch of Dorothy.

Katherine has a daughter of her own, whom she named Ila, now five years old. Ila was born nine decades apart from Dorothy, and the two of them have been together precious few times in their shared lives.  But Ila carries the same joy, the same connection to people.  Even in her whirlwind approach to every day, I see the glimmer of kindness, of compassion, the beginning of her love for people around her. It will be fascinating to see where it takes her, how she holds the strengths and courage of the women before her.  In her is the potential of Dorothy and Suzanne and Katherine. 

Understand, I realize my perspective is that of an observer, but it seems motherhood is far more than having children.  It is more than feeding them and protecting them until they can fend for themselves.  It is more than teaching and discipline, more than feeding them, bandaging the cuts, counseling the heartbreak. It is more than homework and baths. It is more than encouraging and never giving up. The mothers I know seem to be performing as a model for humanity to think about, an example of what we are capable of.

It feels like being a mother is also pouring the love of life back into the world. 

Hope this finds you thanking someone’s mom,

David

Copyright © 2025 David Smith