Autonomous Cars

October 10, 2022

Greetings from the shotgun seat,

Occasionally, I will wonder. For example, I wonder about how the fizz from Vernors impacts the ozone layer. I wonder about the word ‘whatnot’. Also ‘scoff’, which always looks misspelled.

This week I wondered why anyone would want an autonomous car. We are a pretty independent group, taken as a whole, and there has always been a pretty strong resistance to anyone even suggesting they take some control of our lives from us. Strangely, there isn’t an amendment protecting the right to drive.

And somehow, billions are being spent developing autonomous cars. Who is it that is so interested in creating this enormous paradigm shift in transportation?

At first, I figured it had to be senior citizens, who are already being threatened with the loss of independent driving. Driverless is a perfect match. Families wouldn’t have to worry about them getting lost, dozing during a green light, or leaving their turn signal in the ‘irrevocable’ position. But it seems unlikely that the same age group that struggles with technology would be the ‘driving’ force behind computer-navigated cars.

Perhaps new parents. Everyone knows that the principal struggle with infants is getting them to sleep, and often the most reliable path is to put them in the car and drive them around. Imagine autonomous cars driving around the neighborhood with a baby on board, while happy parents get in a little free time for laundry, or to catch up on the Netflix queue.

Or maybe there is a collection of people that would like autonomous cars to send off to run errands, pick up groceries, go through the car wash, maybe the drive-thru at Taco Bell.

People in autonomous cars could get work done, do yoga, take naps, make out, text each other. So maybe there’s an attraction. Still seems like any of these are pretty small segments of society to sway an entire industry of car manufacturers, road builders, not to mention all the technology that needs to be in place, satellites and whatnot.

And then I realized I’d overlooked the most powerful sector of influence in our country. More significant than Gen X or Boomer or Gamer or any political party.

Dogs.

I was driving home from the grocery store yesterday, kind of an old-fashioned thing where I drive myself to the parking lot, walk in, then wander through the aisles trying to remember what I needed. Anyway, on my way home I saw a truck in front of me and three of the windows had dogs hanging out. They were the happiest creatures on the planet. That’s when I knew.

Dogs want driverless cars. You may scoff, but allow me to elucidate.

Over 38% of U.S. households have a dog, or to be exact, 1.6 dogs. This number could be higher given that dogs almost never fill out the census accurately. A good estimate is that there are 100 million dogs in our houses, not to mention more than a few wandering the streets. 100 million dogs could elect a president, easily. Well, other than that voting thing.

But that aside, dogs have influence. According to the pet industry, (there is a pet industry, which is probably more powerful than a lobby) people spend $1200 a year on average for their dogs. Food, vets, paying people to walk them, toys, strollers, clothes, grooming. It’s nearly a bazillion dollars a year.

Dogs don’t seem to have an agenda, but somehow they get what they want.

There is no creature that likes going for a ride in the car more than a dog. This is only an educated guess, but I’m guessing, educatedly, if it was up to them, it’s probably all they’d do. It’s likely that their considerable influence on pet food makers has shifted to policymakers, car makers, and technology makers. It seems obvious to me, which in no way is meant to sound like something intelligent, that dogs are steering the driverless future in this country.

Sometime in the near future you will be driving down the road and look into the cars next to you and realize you are surrounded by happy dogs. The rest of your species will be at home, ordering food to be delivered, watching sunsets on YouTube, while dogs are out having the time of their lives.

Oh, and I wonder about whatever happened to ‘cap snafflers’.

Hope this finds you with the windows rolled down,

David

Copyright © 2022 David Smith