Strong Dollar

October 6, 2025

Greetings from the economics comics,

Many readers come to this space for solutions to the big problems of the world.  Parts of that last sentence may not be true.  For the part of it that was true, welcome.

So today we will attempt to address a relevant irrelevancy, a phrase I have been waiting to use since I first thought of it when I was told my role at my daughter’s wedding.

Most cities of any size have shopping malls, giant spaces filled with a variety of stores that have, for myriad reasons, (all of which rhyme with ‘bamazon’) become obsolete.  Now we have these hulking elephant graveyards and their attendant weed-choked parking lots.  So, the question has become, what to do with all of this real estate?

I have discovered the answer.  It’s dollar stores.

My experience with dollar stores is a little outdated, meaning I actually thought that everything in the store was still a dollar.  This year I have been to dollar stores a few times, (an increase of 100%)  and not once was the trip voluntary: I was sent to solve a need by spending the least amount of money possible.  It turns out that one dollar will not solve much.

This is not really relevant, (rarely does that fact keep me from writing something) but I cannot go into a dollar store without feeling nauseated.  Or is it nauseous? I don’t know if it’s all the plastic, or the chaotic merchandising, or the sticky floor, or the smell of desperation, but I always leave a dollar store feeling less healthy than when I went in.  Also slightly poorer.

I have been paying attention enough to notice that dollar stores seem to be everywhere.  In the time I wasn’t paying attention all of the 99 cent stores disappeared and were replaced by three national versions: Family Dollar, Dollar Tree and Dollar General.  In that same transition the concept of paying for something with a dollar, other than perhaps the sales tax, has virtually vanished.

Despite that, the brands have blanketed the nation, totaling over 40,000 locations in the U.S.  That is approximately two million handicapped parking places. 

Empty malls have potential.  Some cities convert parts of them into housing, other places make them indoor roller rinks, others storage facilities.  There are other possibilities, for example we could store all of our irrelevant statues there, or create climate controlled indoor parking, or maybe turn them all into giant charter schools?

But why not convert them to what Americans want?  And what it seems we want is dollar stores.

Naturally, if we fill the malls with dollar stores we are going to have to create some variety to keep consumer’s interest.  Dollar Pretzels, Dollar Candles, Dollar Ear Piercing, Dollar Cell Phones, Dollar Cinnabon, Dollar Spencer’s Gifts, Dollar Zales.  Naturally, these stores could charge whatever they wanted, since the ‘dollar’ is now an implication, not a promise.

There could be other franchises:

Funeral homes: Your Last Dollar

Yodeling Studios: Dollar Hollar

Tutoring: Dollar Scholar

Bakery: Dollar to Donuts

Fresh greens: Dollar Collards

Spanx Shops: Bottom Dollar

Strip Joints: Fistful of Dollars

I could go on, but I am starting to feel nauseated.  I think. 

This weekend I went to a dollar store and bought something I am pretty sure I have never purchased: a $15.00 pinata.  I mention this in part to show you the great potential in dollar stores for our nation. Look at how the dollar store has expanded my life while contracting my disposable income.  If only there were more opportunities like this, say in a climate controlled space with vacuous music. 

Regardless, or irregardless, hopefully you can see the value of this brilliant idea which could very well save the real estate sector of our economy.  If this doesn’t work, maybe we can bring back the Five and Dime stores. 

Hope this finds you nauseated, or nauseous, whichever,

David

Copyright © 2025 David Smith